I haven’t attended many developer events.
The few I have attended left me with a strange aftertaste. Not because anyone was rude. Not because the e...
For further actions, you may consider blocking this person and/or reporting abuse
Don’t ask me why, Aryan, but re-reading this post this afternoon reminded me of a simple RPG game that freeCodeCamp released back in 2021: Learn to Code. The article brought it to mind because, in the game, you explore different events and scenarios. Definitely worth checking out if that sounds fun!
Will sure do Richard!
I think there are two types of conversations at tech events:
With the first people tend to pack a lot of information in as short of time possible out of respect for others that want to ask questions. And that can become cryptic when you have less knowledge.
I don't know if the events that you go to are recorded, but if they are try to see the recording and play it piece by piece while looking up what they are talking about.
And then you have the lounge talks where you can go up to someone and ask them to explain so you understand.
While I can understand you might feel smaller. I do think you should look back at every thing you have picked up during the event. And that should make you feel who you are at that point in time.
The other knowledge will come as long as you are willing to learn.
I will definitely try that David! Thanks for helping me get a perspective on this. Really appreciate it!
I relate to this a lot.
I have had similar experiences where nothing is openly negative, yet you walk out feeling smaller. For me, it is often about the tone of the room. Conversations move fast, assume shared context, and reward fluency over understanding.
I have also noticed that many tech events lean more towards sales than actual technical depth. There is a lot of signalling around tools and success stories, but very little space to slow down, ask simple questions, or talk about tradeoffs.
I agree with your point about dense language being mistaken for understanding. The people who really know their stuff can usually explain it simply.
Thanks for sharing this. It captures a feeling many people experience but rarely articulate.
Thank you for sharing this, Ujja, you put into words a lot of what I was trying to get at. That idea of tone and assumed context is exactly what makes these spaces feel subtly exhausting.
And I really agree about the sales-heavy energy at some events. It can crowd out the slower, more thoughtful conversations where real learning and tradeoffs actually get explored.
I wish more spaces made room for that kind of depth and beginner growth at the same time. Appreciate you adding this perspective 🙏
This really resonated.
Tech events often optimise for signal (titles, scale, outcomes) and forget the state people are in when they arrive. When you’re earlier in your journey, in a transition, or just tired, that imbalance can quietly turn inspiration into comparison.
What struck me most is that the issue isn’t ambition — it’s context collapse.
We hear polished narratives without seeing:
the timing
the trade-offs
the invisible support
the survivorship bias
Without that, it’s easy to internalise someone else’s chapter 12 as a verdict on your chapter 2.
I’ve found the most valuable events aren’t the ones that make me feel bigger — they’re the ones that help me leave clearer. About what I’m building, why it matters, and what my next honest step is.
Thanks for articulating something a lot of people feel but rarely say out loud.
This is such a crucial point, and needs to be reminded of again and again, especially when it comes to comparing ourselves to others.
We often forget that everyone's journey is their own, and what looks seamless to us might be the culmination of years of struggle and hard-won lessons. Really appreciate your kind words. Thank you for reading!
Getting used to events is one way to feel better. You got used to DEV.to so quickly, so I’m sure you’ll get used to events soon as well.😃
Honestly, having a supportive friend like you on here has made a big difference for me. DEV.to felt easier to grow into because of the encouragement and thoughtful conversations.
So yeah, thank you for that, WDH! It really means a lot 😄
I’ve experienced this in the few Maker Spaces I’ve been to. Things aren’t as bad in those spaces, but that old imposter syndrome still rears its ugly head. I think I’ve avoided similarly themed Hacker Spaces for the same reason — I should try to push myself more!
Totally get that. Even in better spaces, that impostor voice still finds a way to show up 😅
I’m trying to treat it less like a signal to retreat and more like a sign I’m probably in a room where I can grow. Wishing you luck if you do give those Hacker Spaces another shot!
Cheers, Aryan - appreciate it!
Indeed, I think you're looking at it the right way - I wish you the best of luck!
First off, I absolutely LOVED the cover image you used! 😂
I relate to this so deeply. That 'aftertaste' is real, but I’ve found a way to show up that works for me: I choose to be a sponge.
I’ve realized it’s actually fun to speak less and absorb more. When I stop worrying about 'performing,' I find I consume so much more knowledge. I walk away with so many new ideas—some I can build right now, and others that show me exactly what I need to learn next.
And if I’m genuinely stuck? I just walk up and ask. I’ve found that 'simple' questions often start the best technical conversations.
Turning the event into a buffet of ideas rather than a stage to perform on changed everything for me. Thanks for sharing this!
Haha thank you! 😄 I made that cover on a whim because none of the AI images were passing the vibe check (o′┏▽┓｀o)
I really like how you described being a sponge, honestly, that’s been my default mode for a long time too. Listening, absorbing, and quietly connecting dots. And it does help reduce the pressure to perform.
Lately though, I’ve been realizing there’s another layer for me: it’s not just about learning, it’s about slowly forming and expressing my own point of view. Not performing confidence, but also not disappearing into the background either.
I think I’m trying to figure out how to show up as a thinking engineer, even while I’m still becoming one. Your “buffet of ideas, not a stage” framing is really helpful for that. Thanks for sharing you pov!
You've made some truly great points here, shambhavi, and I'll do my best to take them onboard when I next attend an event - thank you!
Remember that no one wants to walk up and start talking about code or security parameters. You talk to people like anywhere else, starting with small-talk.
I see your comments and it makes me feel you expect to walk in and talk like professors arguing over semantics, but it's really more like standing around on your 15 minute break. Casually talk to people, don't get stressed like you are expected to do more.
I really appreciate you sharing this perspective on tech events. For reminding that it's easy to get caught up in the intensity of tech conversations, but I think there's beauty in taking a break and just being social... I'll definitely keep it in mind. Thank you very much!
Yea I see what you mean.
I never been to a tech conference on the top of my mind, but it seems to me like "Imposter syndrome" kind of feeling that most developer has, including me. When I hear people talk about something that sounds "smart", I tend to think that they know what they are doing. Sometimes true and sometime not.
I believe one thing that helped me currently is not comparing myself to others. It does take away the joy if you compare yourself. It's not your fault that you are "behind". No one is truly "behind". Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I hope this makes sense and align what you are feeling right now.
I really relate to what you said about impostor syndrome, I feel that too more often than I’d like to admit. And you’re right, comparison really does steal a lot of the joy out of learning.
I’m trying to get better at showing up as I am, even when I don’t have all the answers yet (ˉ▽ˉ；). Thanks for sharing this, Francis, it genuinely helps to hear I’m not the only one feeling this way!
"Relate 100%. As Jr Engineer → Project Lead, I've been both sides:
The trap: Fast conversations reward signaling competence over actual teaching.
What's a closure?→ awkward silenceEvent delegation optimizes the delegation tree→ nods all aroundThe fix I learned:
For folks newer to this—it's like X but Y→ instant credibilityTech events aren't 'junior-friendly' yet—you're right. But asking that basic question? That's senior behavior.
What was your first 'I asked anyway' moment that paid off? 👀
I really appreciate the clear explanation. It's made a big difference for me, and I'll make sure to keep it in mind.
I haven't been to a tech event in a while, so I don't have a specific instance that comes to mind. I'll try to get back to attending them soon, though.
Thank you again for taking the time to break this down in a way that's easy to follow.
Cool :)
Tech events aren’t really neutral learning spaces; they’re performances - largely about marketing, trying to look 'employable' etc.. Even when no one is being intentionally unkind, the vibe leans toward rewarding fluency, confidence, and visibility.
This can hit newcomers hardest, because they’re still figuring out what “belonging” is supposed to look like. Your feelings are totally legit, but I admire your commitment to push back against the discomfort by attending them anyway. Have silent confidence in what YOU have to offer and stay detached.
This is some solid advice Ben! Thank you for the supportive comment, really appreciate it!
This piece resonated with some patterns I’ve been mapping. I wrote about this on my Substack from a governance perspective—happy to share if you’re curious about another take.
narnaiezzsshaa.substack.com/p/why-...
Great post! You've bravely stated some good points that I couldn't have written better myself.
I'm glad it resonated with you, thanks for reading!
Thanks for sharing this perspective — it really captures something many of us feel but rarely articulate. I’ve been to tech events where the conversations move so fast and assume so much context that it’s easy to walk away feeling smaller, even when there’s nothing overtly negative happening. Your point about dense language being mistaken for deeper understanding really hit home. I appreciate the reminder that true confidence comes from clear communication and curiosity, not just performance. Let’s make these spaces wider — more welcoming, patient, and encouraging for everyone still growing.
Thank you for reading! Glad that it resonated so well with you!
This really resonated.
I’ve felt that same quiet pressure to sound fluent instead of staying curious. Not because anyone demanded it, but because the room’s pace and language subtly set the rules.
Thank you for naming this experience without bitterness or blame. It’s honest, generous, and deeply relatable. Making spaces wider instead of louder feels like exactly the goal worth aiming for.
Thanks Hadil, that means a lot to me. It's great that it connected with you - I definitely think we should work on making these spaces more welcoming for new folks.
Relatable!
Thank you for reading!
This is the most honest take on tech events I’ve read in a long time. We’ve normalized 'gatekeeping through terminology' so much that we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
I’ve seen senior devs with 10+ years of experience nodding in circles just to avoid being the one who asks 'Wait, what does that acronym mean?'. It’s a performance, not a conversation. The real skill isn't knowing the jargon; it’s being able to explain a complex distributed system to a 5-year-old.
To the author: What helped me was realizing that the loudest person in the room is often the one with the shallowest understanding. Now, I make it a game to ask the 'simple' questions just to see who else was secretly confused. Have you found any specific community or local meetup that actually feels 'wide' instead of 'loud'?
I'm really glad you enjoyed my post, and I have to say, that's exactly why I love learning something new – it lets me figure out ways to explain it to others, even if it's just to a 5-year-old.
I'm curious to try out the game you mentioned, it sounds like something that could be a lot of fun.
Though I've struggled with is finding a community that shares similar interests in tech, so if I ever get the chance to build one, I definitely will. For now, I'm just appreciative of the chance to connect with like-minded people like yourself.
This is such an honest take. I really admire the focus on clarity and curiosity over performance — that’s the kind of engineer (and community) I want to grow into too. Thanks for putting this out there.
Thank you Srujan!
This really landed for me.
That “feeling smaller” you describe is something I don’t think we talk about enough, especially because nothing obviously bad is happening. No one’s being rude, no one’s gatekeeping outright — and yet you walk out carrying this quiet sense that you didn’t quite belong in the room.
The part about performance really clicked. A lot of technical spaces subtly reward how something is said more than what is understood. Fluency, speed, jargon — they become signals of belonging. And if you’re still building confidence, it’s easy to start measuring yourself against those signals instead of against your actual curiosity or growth.
I also love what you said about communication being mistaken for understanding. Some of the strongest engineers I’ve worked with are the ones who can slow things down and explain clearly, without hiding behind terminology. That’s usually a sign of depth, not simplicity.
What helped me a bit was reframing events the way you’re starting to do: not as places to prove competence, but as places to practice being present. Asking one genuine question, even if it feels basic. Letting myself say “I’m not fully following that yet.” And accepting that feeling awkward doesn’t mean I don’t belong — it usually just means I’m learning.
I really appreciate how honest and measured this is. You’re not blaming the spaces, and you’re not blaming yourself either. You’re just naming a real tension that a lot of people quietly feel.
Thanks for putting this into words. I suspect a lot of people reading this are nodding along more than they’ll admit.
It means a lot to me that you're willing to take the time to discuss these points. I feel like someone has finally understood what I was trying to get across, and that's incredibly validating. I really appreciate your attention to the details that mattered most to me.
You are right but the era of exposing your ignorance about a subject is gone. And even if you don't know something pretend and then look for it in some AI's to keep up with them.
That's the plan😃
Haha this is definitely a great way to deal with it (≧︶≦))(￣▽￣ )ゞ
Great (and honest) post - "I can feel ya" !!
Thank you very much for reading it good sir!