I haven’t attended many developer events.
The few I have attended left me with a strange aftertaste. Not because anyone was rude. Not because the events were poorly run. But because I often walked out feeling smaller than when I walked in.
On paper, these are exactly the spaces I should enjoy. People building things. Talking about tools. Sharing ideas. Learning together. In practice, I’ve often felt out of place in ways I couldn’t immediately explain.
Yes, part of it is fear of being judged. Yes, part of it is feeling like I’m not good enough yet. But those feelings don’t come from not caring or not trying. They come from how a lot of technical conversations are shaped.
Many discussions move fast. Acronyms stack up. Context is assumed. If you don’t already speak the language fluently, you can fall behind quickly, even if you understand the underlying ideas.
That gap is subtle, but it’s real. And when you’re still building confidence, it can quietly turn curiosity into hesitation.
What I’ve noticed isn’t exclusion. It’s something quieter. Many spaces naturally reward performance. How fluent you sound. How confidently you drop terms. How quickly you signal that you belong.
That works well for people who are already comfortable. For people earlier in their journey, it can feel like you’re trying to keep up with the tone of the room as much as the content.
Over time, that changes how you show up. You ask fewer questions. You nod more. You carry confusion home instead of voicing it. Not because you don’t care, but because you don’t want to slow things down or look behind.
One thing I’ve learned on my own is this: how someone communicates is often mistaken for how much they understand.
Dense language can sound smart. Simple explanations can sound naive. But in my experience, the people who truly understand something can usually explain it clearly, without hiding behind terminology.
That’s the kind of engineer I want to become. Not the one who sounds impressive. The one who makes things easier to understand.
None of this means tech events are bad. They matter. They bring people together. They expose you to ideas and people you might not find on your own.
And I know many people in these rooms are generous and happy to explain things one-on-one.
My hesitation isn’t about rejecting them. It’s about learning how to show up in spaces that weren’t designed specifically for where I am yet.
Beginner-friendly doesn’t just mean allowing beginners in. It means creating room to slow down, to ask simple questions, and to say “I don’t know yet” without it feeling like a liability.
That’s how communities actually grow.
Instead of avoiding these spaces, I’m trying to change how I interpret them. Not as rooms I need to prove myself in, but as rooms I can learn how to be myself in.
That means asking the question even if it feels basic. Admitting when I don’t follow something. Choosing understanding over appearance.
I’m still learning how to do that.
If anything, I’m realizing that part of growing as a developer isn’t just learning tools. It’s learning how to exist in technical spaces without shrinking yourself.
I don’t want tech events to feel smaller. I want them to feel wider. Wider in language. Wider in patience. Wider in who feels like they belong.
I’ll keep showing up. Not because I’ve figured it out. But because I want to learn how to be in those rooms without losing clarity or curiosity along the way.
If you’ve been through this phase, I’d genuinely love to hear what helped you. How did you learn to show up in these spaces without either performing or disappearing?
Top comments (47)
Don’t ask me why, Aryan, but re-reading this post this afternoon reminded me of a simple RPG game that freeCodeCamp released back in 2021: Learn to Code. The article brought it to mind because, in the game, you explore different events and scenarios. Definitely worth checking out if that sounds fun!
Will sure do Richard!
I think there are two types of conversations at tech events:
With the first people tend to pack a lot of information in as short of time possible out of respect for others that want to ask questions. And that can become cryptic when you have less knowledge.
I don't know if the events that you go to are recorded, but if they are try to see the recording and play it piece by piece while looking up what they are talking about.
And then you have the lounge talks where you can go up to someone and ask them to explain so you understand.
While I can understand you might feel smaller. I do think you should look back at every thing you have picked up during the event. And that should make you feel who you are at that point in time.
The other knowledge will come as long as you are willing to learn.
I will definitely try that David! Thanks for helping me get a perspective on this. Really appreciate it!
I relate to this a lot.
I have had similar experiences where nothing is openly negative, yet you walk out feeling smaller. For me, it is often about the tone of the room. Conversations move fast, assume shared context, and reward fluency over understanding.
I have also noticed that many tech events lean more towards sales than actual technical depth. There is a lot of signalling around tools and success stories, but very little space to slow down, ask simple questions, or talk about tradeoffs.
I agree with your point about dense language being mistaken for understanding. The people who really know their stuff can usually explain it simply.
Thanks for sharing this. It captures a feeling many people experience but rarely articulate.
Thank you for sharing this, Ujja, you put into words a lot of what I was trying to get at. That idea of tone and assumed context is exactly what makes these spaces feel subtly exhausting.
And I really agree about the sales-heavy energy at some events. It can crowd out the slower, more thoughtful conversations where real learning and tradeoffs actually get explored.
I wish more spaces made room for that kind of depth and beginner growth at the same time. Appreciate you adding this perspective 🙏
This really resonated.
Tech events often optimise for signal (titles, scale, outcomes) and forget the state people are in when they arrive. When you’re earlier in your journey, in a transition, or just tired, that imbalance can quietly turn inspiration into comparison.
What struck me most is that the issue isn’t ambition — it’s context collapse.
We hear polished narratives without seeing:
the timing
the trade-offs
the invisible support
the survivorship bias
Without that, it’s easy to internalise someone else’s chapter 12 as a verdict on your chapter 2.
I’ve found the most valuable events aren’t the ones that make me feel bigger — they’re the ones that help me leave clearer. About what I’m building, why it matters, and what my next honest step is.
Thanks for articulating something a lot of people feel but rarely say out loud.
This is such a crucial point, and needs to be reminded of again and again, especially when it comes to comparing ourselves to others.
We often forget that everyone's journey is their own, and what looks seamless to us might be the culmination of years of struggle and hard-won lessons. Really appreciate your kind words. Thank you for reading!
Getting used to events is one way to feel better. You got used to DEV.to so quickly, so I’m sure you’ll get used to events soon as well.😃
Honestly, having a supportive friend like you on here has made a big difference for me. DEV.to felt easier to grow into because of the encouragement and thoughtful conversations.
So yeah, thank you for that, WDH! It really means a lot 😄
I’ve experienced this in the few Maker Spaces I’ve been to. Things aren’t as bad in those spaces, but that old imposter syndrome still rears its ugly head. I think I’ve avoided similarly themed Hacker Spaces for the same reason — I should try to push myself more!
Totally get that. Even in better spaces, that impostor voice still finds a way to show up 😅
I’m trying to treat it less like a signal to retreat and more like a sign I’m probably in a room where I can grow. Wishing you luck if you do give those Hacker Spaces another shot!
Cheers, Aryan - appreciate it!
Indeed, I think you're looking at it the right way - I wish you the best of luck!
First off, I absolutely LOVED the cover image you used! 😂
I relate to this so deeply. That 'aftertaste' is real, but I’ve found a way to show up that works for me: I choose to be a sponge.
I’ve realized it’s actually fun to speak less and absorb more. When I stop worrying about 'performing,' I find I consume so much more knowledge. I walk away with so many new ideas—some I can build right now, and others that show me exactly what I need to learn next.
And if I’m genuinely stuck? I just walk up and ask. I’ve found that 'simple' questions often start the best technical conversations.
Turning the event into a buffet of ideas rather than a stage to perform on changed everything for me. Thanks for sharing this!
Haha thank you! 😄 I made that cover on a whim because none of the AI images were passing the vibe check (o′┏▽┓｀o)
I really like how you described being a sponge, honestly, that’s been my default mode for a long time too. Listening, absorbing, and quietly connecting dots. And it does help reduce the pressure to perform.
Lately though, I’ve been realizing there’s another layer for me: it’s not just about learning, it’s about slowly forming and expressing my own point of view. Not performing confidence, but also not disappearing into the background either.
I think I’m trying to figure out how to show up as a thinking engineer, even while I’m still becoming one. Your “buffet of ideas, not a stage” framing is really helpful for that. Thanks for sharing you pov!
You've made some truly great points here, shambhavi, and I'll do my best to take them onboard when I next attend an event - thank you!
Remember that no one wants to walk up and start talking about code or security parameters. You talk to people like anywhere else, starting with small-talk.
I see your comments and it makes me feel you expect to walk in and talk like professors arguing over semantics, but it's really more like standing around on your 15 minute break. Casually talk to people, don't get stressed like you are expected to do more.
I really appreciate you sharing this perspective on tech events. For reminding that it's easy to get caught up in the intensity of tech conversations, but I think there's beauty in taking a break and just being social... I'll definitely keep it in mind. Thank you very much!
Yea I see what you mean.
I never been to a tech conference on the top of my mind, but it seems to me like "Imposter syndrome" kind of feeling that most developer has, including me. When I hear people talk about something that sounds "smart", I tend to think that they know what they are doing. Sometimes true and sometime not.
I believe one thing that helped me currently is not comparing myself to others. It does take away the joy if you compare yourself. It's not your fault that you are "behind". No one is truly "behind". Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I hope this makes sense and align what you are feeling right now.
I really relate to what you said about impostor syndrome, I feel that too more often than I’d like to admit. And you’re right, comparison really does steal a lot of the joy out of learning.
I’m trying to get better at showing up as I am, even when I don’t have all the answers yet (ˉ▽ˉ；). Thanks for sharing this, Francis, it genuinely helps to hear I’m not the only one feeling this way!
"Relate 100%. As Jr Engineer → Project Lead, I've been both sides:
The trap: Fast conversations reward signaling competence over actual teaching.
What's a closure?→ awkward silenceEvent delegation optimizes the delegation tree→ nods all aroundThe fix I learned:
For folks newer to this—it's like X but Y→ instant credibilityTech events aren't 'junior-friendly' yet—you're right. But asking that basic question? That's senior behavior.
What was your first 'I asked anyway' moment that paid off? 👀
I really appreciate the clear explanation. It's made a big difference for me, and I'll make sure to keep it in mind.
I haven't been to a tech event in a while, so I don't have a specific instance that comes to mind. I'll try to get back to attending them soon, though.
Thank you again for taking the time to break this down in a way that's easy to follow.
Cool :)
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